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Spanking Machines Reviewed by Michael Masterson
Nothing is more telling than independent reviews by a true expert in the field. Michael Masterson, owner of the RealSpanking Network, is just such a person. Since 1997, the RealSpankings family of sites have created the highest quality, original content available on the Internet. His expertise on the topic of spanking cannot be questioned.
RealSpankings has aquired both available spanking machines, reviewing the new version Robospanker in February 2010 and the SOM II in February of 2011. As a consumate professional, Masterson doesn't make any direct negative statements about either machine, and refuses to directly contrast the two... he uses neutral statements when he can't make a positive. This sort of inside-the-industry consideration is an informal rule for non-competing companies, in the spanking industry and most other subculture groups.
However, as you read the SOM II review in particular, remember that an unspoken contrast against the Robospanker -- which he has owned for a year at the time of the second review -- is inevitable. Think of it this way. Say you have owned a Kia for a year and then trade it in on a Dodge. If you're a nice person, you may not want to say anything bad about the Kia... but if you say "this Dodge is REALLY well built!", the subtext is obvious to your informed listenner.
Masterson's spanking machine reviews are posted to his blog, The Spanking Blog:
The Robospanker review, February 10, 2010: Discipline programs, self spanking…and ROBOSPANKER (This first post is more of a description, and Masterson doesn't appear to have used the machine as yet.)
The Robospanker review, March 22, 2010: It is ALIVE (This post follows the first shoot with the machine.)
The Spank-O-Matic review, February 23, 2011: Spank-O-Matic II
The most interesting observation is that there isn't much here about the Robospanker in use. Masterson's first post describes the unit in its vendor's marketing language, including positioning against air compressors. The second post -- after Masterson has used the machine -- really includes only a single line that talks about the unit's performance: "yes it does work well and its hardest setting is more than enough for very real discipline and spanking." I'll also note an error in the first Robosapnker post. Masterson writes "You can adjust both the speed and the intensity of the strokes with the remote." This is not true. You can adjust the time between strokes (speed) from the Robospanker hand control, but not the intensity (power). Only the SOM II has both functions from the hand control... the Robospanker's power adjusts through a hatch in the rear of the machine as shown in the Spank Off Video Comparisons.
Contrast this with the single, longer post about the Spank-O-Matic, which is actually a review of the machine by Masterson when he is quite experienced with it. This review is full of usability and performance information, much of it clearly a contrast to the other machine:
- How is the power? "This product is unique in that it uses an air compressor which allows you to vary the severity of the spanking from as light as you can feel, to way too hard for just about anyone out there."
- Is the air compressor a problem? "When actually using the product with the compressor in the other room, we never even heard it come on. With even the smaller compressor, we were able to adjust the machine to go as hard as even our toughest models could stand."
- What about design and build quality? "It is clearly very professionally built by what I would guess is someone with an engineering background."
- Can you adjust it to many positions? "The whole system is basically built out of adjustable rails which allow it to be setup to spank in any position you can think of, from bending over to laying down flat."
- Is it effective? "I have to admit that it has been years since I have had any sort of spanking, but Holy Hell, this thing works."
- How are the controls? "I think what I liked the very best was the hand control and all of the programs that you can use. You can put it on manual and decide how hard and how fast it will swing and then press a button and get a single whack. Or, you can use one of the automated programs and get what is probably a more realistic spanking. You can set it on random in which it will adjust the timing between the strokes as well as the power of the stroke. You can have it build gradually from mild to wild, then back down again. There are ten separate programs that you can run with the hand control." [Editors note: actually there are eight.]
- What about the PC control system? "This feature allows all of the same features as the hand control, but you can customize it even further. You can decide how hard the hardest stroke is as well as the softest, you can program in bursts, decide how many spank per burst, and how long in between. If you are considering this machine for self spanking fun, the PC control is going to give you quite the experience."
- "Finally, the question I get the most…does it hurt? Our unit uses about the smallest air compressor on the market and produces more force than we need for our productions. I personally took a few with the lexan paddle at 60% max and that was a little much. This was without the air compressor on its highest setting."
- How do you rate the SOM II? "I was a little skeptical about this product when I 1st saw it online, but I can now give it two bruised butt cheeks for my review. For self spanking, long distance discipline, or strict automated punishments, I give it my full endorsement as a happy customer."
The Bottom Line
I certainly wish Michael Masterson would write his feelings in a direct comparison, because I know how that would come out. However, I think it's clear from the posts to his blog which machine comes out on top. Mr. Masterson has independently confirmed several important facts about the SOM II, from a viewpoint experienced with the competing machine. It's quick and easy to adjust into any position you can dream up. It's well made and intelligently designed. The air compressor isn't an issue, even for someone filming a video shoot. The controls are awesome, whether using the fully featured hand control or the even more capable computer interface. And finally, the power is completely adjustable, and reaches a level of "Holy Hell"... "way too hard for just about anyone out there." That's all from one of the most experienced spankers in the world.
Thank you, Michael Masterson!
Learn: SOM II
See: Video of the SOM II
Control: Take Control of the SOM II
Hear: Testimonials for the SOM II
Compare: SOM II vs. the Competition
Understand: Pneumatics for Spanking Power
Enlighten: Find Truth Through the Competition's Lies