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FAQ & Answers Organized by Topic

FAQ about Ordering and Policies
FAQ about Shipping
FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, General
FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, Technical
FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, Using

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ about Ordering and Payment

How do I order a Spank-O-Matic?

You can place your order online, through the mail, or over the phone. If you'd like to discuss your needs, email is the most effective way to ask questions and receive advice. You're also welcome to call me at 888.380.8840 as described on the Contact page.

Is online ordering from Orgasm Alley safe?

Absolutely! I'm not a computer security guru, and don't pretend to be. Orgasm Alley uses a third party shopping cart hosted on servers continually maintained to the highest available security standards. Actual credit card entry is performed through a gateway of equally high security. No information is ever maintained in or transmitted through an accessible environment.

What forms of payment do you take?

Orgasm Alley uses PayPal Pro payments system to process major credit cards and Paypal. I also accept cashiers check, money order, personal/business check (10 day hold) and wire transfer. More detail about these payment methods is available on the Ordering page.

Can I pay part now and part later?

I work on a paid-in-full-upfront basis. Credit card payments are authorized at time of order. For all other forms of payment, I do require money in hand to log your order to the work board.

How long after I pay will you ship my Spank-O-Matic?

My lead time depends on current backlog and life more generally (I'm a family man, after all!). Lead time is typically 10-14 days from receipt of payment to outbound shipment, except for benches which typically run 2-3 weeks. I provide a current estimate with each quote, if it differs from that standard.

What warranties apply to the Spank-O-Matic?

Orgasm Alley warranty and satisfaction guarantee both apply to the SOM II. Check out the OA Policies Page. Limited lifetime warranty, satisfaction guaranteed, and privacy guaranteed.

FAQ about Shipping

How do you ship Spank-O-Matics?

Spank-O-Matics ship via UPS Ground in the United States, UPS Standard to Canada, and via USPS Global Express Mail to International destinations. In all cases, shipments are insured and declared for full value. You do have the option for USPS Priority Mail domestically, primarily for those seeking delivery to a PO box. I do not suggest opting for USPS because you're in a hurry. I have moved from suburban Hell to a remote secret workshop... since USPS shipment generally requires a "trip into town," this can add a couple of days vs. UPS (who picks up daily). The majority of orders ship on Fridays.

Do you ship Internationally?

Yes. Almost anywhere the USPS goes... about 150 countries worldwide. Orgasm Alley does reserve the right to refuse an order based on required shipment to select countries. That includes Nigeria, so please stop emailing me that your Prince Regent Head Honcho has died leaving millions for the purchase of spanking machines ;). Last count, I've shipped to more than 65 countries worldwide, including a ton to countries like the UK, Canada, and Australia. Please note that postal size limitations on International shipments are constantly changing. SOM II systems are designed to ship in a 36x12x12" box (two for the bench). Any country restricting Global Express shipments to 36" length and 79" total cannot receive such a package using this service, and may receive two boxes or be delivered using International Priority. Sadly, the UK and Australia have recently changed to this limitation. I will contact you if additional shipping fees will be required on your International order for this reason.

How much does shipping cost?

Shipping charge varies by destination. In the Continental US, the SOM II ships via UPS Ground for $35 as long as you're not using a PO Box to take delivery. International shipping is estimated by the shopping cart, and I'll refund the difference if this amount is significantly over actual costs. I'm not looking to make a profit on shipping. Please see the item above regarding box sizes and related shipping fees.

If someone sees the box, will they know what is inside?

No way! You will receive a brown box with no indication of what's inside. The return address is my name and address. International shipments do require a description of contents. The Spank-O-Matic II ships internationally as a "modular stand with pneumatic adjust."

How many days will it take to get here once you ship it?

UPS Ground is normally a 1 to 4 day service, longer as you get farther from Texas. UPS provides tracking capabilities, and an accurate delivery date is available the day after I ship your package. To Canada, UPS Standard tends to take about a week. It's not really clear how long this service takes... it seems to vary a lot based on how rural you are. Tracking is pathetically uninformative with this service.

USPS Global Express Mail, used for International deliveries to those countries where the service accommodates a box of this size, is normally a 3-5 day service. Like most USPS delivery estimates, that's optimistic by a day or two in my experience. Among other issues, in-country carriers have been known to cause additional delays. Global Express Mail service does not have real tracking capabilities, but a nightly update will tell you when it clears Customs on each end.

Note that all SOM units may ship with "signature required." Please have someone available to receive and sign for your delivery. This is generally not required with standard Ground shipments, though.

FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, General

What are the electrical requirements for the Spank-O-Matic?

In August of 2012, I converted all new Spank-O-Matics to a revised scheme, the Integrated Power System (IPS). The IPS starts with a laptop style 12 volt power brick, which can operate from either 110 (US/Canada) or 220 (most other countries) VAC input. This supply powers all electrical components of the system, eliminating previously required 9V batteries for the hand control or SOM2PC. These devices are now powered from the same cable that delivers the strike signal. The IPS also powers the Automater, using a Y-splitter, and the TRRS when used with the SOM2PC control interface.

Since it's an occasional point of confusion, let me note that the SOM II striking power is provided by pressurized air, and requires a customer-provided compressor.

Can Spank-O-Matic II run on International (220 VAC) current?

Yes, the IPS power brick can operate directly from 220 VAC wall power for countries outside the US and Canada (and Japan, were the grid is 100 VAC). These locations require only a plug adapter to connect the IPS power brick to your wall outlet, or a standard IEC (PC power) cable.

How much do Spank-O-Matics weigh?

Please see Vital Statistics section on individual model pages, as weight varies by model.

Is assembly required?

Some assembly is required. Assembly is relatively simple, varies a bit from model to model, and is described in detail in included documentation. You may also be interested in the assembly videos in the Videos section of this site.

How much noise do Spank-O-Matics make?

Operation of the SOM II itself is very quiet. Both the compressor and strikes will be significantly louder than the machine. Compressors vary widely, and of course only make noise when running. The Senco compressor I recommend is extremely quiet in operation. In general, if you're OK with the sound of a hard paddle smack on an ass you'll be OK with the total noise picture of a running SOM II.

How hard can Spank-O-Matics hit?

The Spank-O-Matic II can strike extremely hard. At the system's maximum air pressure of 150 PSI, over 250 pounds of force shoot the paddle forward in a smooth burst of power. The XP model doubles the mechanical components and provides additional accelleration and power. With its twin cylinders, the SOM II XP delivers over 500 pounds of striking power at 150 PSI. In March of 2012, changes to the strike arm geometry increased the maximum striking speed of the SOM II by approximately 20%. Antoher geometry change in July 2015 further increases the speed and power with lighter implements by a substantial degree, approximately 21%. The current traverse angle under power is 112 degrees.

For more about the striking power of the SOM II, check the Spank-Off page for a heads-up comparison against the Robospanker. Prior to either geometry change, the SOM II was proven to hit more than 2.5 times harder than this longstanding spanking machine set to its highest power... the SOM is now signficantly more powerful.

Where can I see Spank-O-Matics in action?

Please see the Videos page for "more information" links, including a page referencing videos for your viewing pleasure. You'll also see the SOM II in a cameo appearance this season in Showtime's Californication, although only as a prop. Unlimited Justice ran two SOM II Bench units at South-By-Southwest in 2011, and you'll spot video from that here and there, too.

What is the difference between the SOM II and the SOM II LT?

There are three differences between these two models. The most obvious is that the price is quite a bit lower on the LT. I added this model to the SOM II line to bring my invention within the reach of more people. The stand is different, of course. The LT stand, assembled from aluminum extrusion and fittings, is lighter but just as rigid, and provides just as much setup flexibility as the welded steel SOM II stand. The LT hand control has only "periodic" operation in automatic mode, instead of the 8 different auto models on the full handcontrol. Note that you can upgrade to the full handcontrol when purchasing the LT, and I would recommend it... especially if your machine will ever be used solo.

It is important to note -- and the source of some confusion -- that the SOM II and the SOM II LT have identical head units and paddles. They produce the same powerful spanking action.

Should I select the SOM II or the SOM II XP?

The vast majority of users will be better off with the SOM II, as it is the better general purpose machine. Both head units reach their maximum speed ("terminal velocity") with most paddles. Lighter instruments will actually reach a slightly higher terminal velocity with the SOM II, due to the higher air needs of the XP. However, you may want a thuddier and more solid impact, requiring heavier implements. With tools heavier that the Standard Paddle, the XP starts to shine. The SOM II does an excellent job with even very heavy tools, but you'll find the XP provides incrementally more impact as the tool weight goes up.

Heavier implement effects can be achieved by stacking the tools I offer. Two Whack Sticks, two Standard Paddles, or perhaps a Standard Paddle backed up by a Whack Stick or Staged Paddle, for example. I do not recommend using the Oak Paddle in these combinations, however, as it is less flexible than the Lexan components. You can also attach your own paddles to your machine, of course.

Is the Automater only useful with a cane?

Absolutely not! The worst thing about a spanking by machine has traditionally been that the paddle aims at the same exact spot, over and over. Frankly, my older units and the Robospanker have relied on this fact, as it also makes a given impact feel like a more powerful spanking. The SOM II system delivers truly powerful strikes, however, and those who like a hard impact will note that such strokes on the same spot repeatedely makes for a short session!

Users report -- and my experience confirms -- that the Automater lets you take a longer and more complete feeling spanking session with hard strokes, by distributing the impact over a much broader area. That's true whether you're using a cane, or a paddle of any description. Of course, you also get more variety and a better simulation of a spanking the might be delivered by a person.

FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, Technical

How adjustable is the Spank-O-Matic II, and how does it adjust?

The SOM II is extremely adjustable, and built to work in any orientation or position. The head unit and attached paddle adjust from floor level up to about 36" high. The head swivels to point the paddle in any direction, including swinging upward from a low position. The head unit attaches and adjusts on its mount with a structural pipe fitting, using an included 3/16" hex key (note that prior to July 2012, units shipped with a 1/4" hex key and single set screw pipe fittings).

The SOM II stand assembles and adjusts with industrial channel and matching channel nuts, secured with easy-to-use hand knobs. The LT stand and bench both use aluminum extrusion and specialized t-bolts, which require a customer-provided wrench to use. Both designs create very firm and strong settings that are infinitely variable. The legs of both stands adjust independantly and can be offset by any amount to clear obstacles or allow the unit to pull closely up to furniture.

What are the minimum and maximum spanking speeds of the Spank-O-Matic II?

In the manual mode, there is no minimum... the machine will happily wait for a button press for minutes or even hours. The minimum striking pace in the automatic modes is 4 per minute, or 15 seconds between strikes. In either case, the system enforces a minimum 1/2 second paddle recovery time. Add this the the time to make an actual stroke and the top speed is about 90 strokes per minute.

How do the end effectors attach (paddles, cane set, etc)?

End effectors such as paddles and canes attach to the SOM II using two bolts with wing nuts. Attaching or removing and effector takes less than a minute and requires no tools. Unlike the competing product, the SOM II is perfectly happy swinging even a very heavy implement, and can use such a tool well. It is simple to modify your own strong and rigid spanking implement for attachment to the SOM II. Note that some materials are not strong enough to withstand the repeated, abrubt acceration of the SOM spanking system.

Can the SOM2PC let me run a spanking machine over the Internet?

Yes. The GenTwo SOM2PC software release includes direct networking capabilities that lets two computers running the applciation talk to each other. The user with a SOM II machine hosts the networking session, allowing the second computer to connect and cotnrol the system.Sype or other video service may be operated simultaeously.

How can I maximize the power of my SOM system?

The gross power control is incoming air pressure. The system components are rated to 150 PSI, and will likely put up with higher pressures... exceeding component limits will not cause damage, but at some point the valve will not close. Should this occur, reducing pressure will return the system to normal operation with no lasting consequences. Note that the remaining changes each represent a _slight_ increase from stock form... most of your gain will be from maximizing the air pressure.

Your SOM head has a strong external spring to assist with paddle return. Stretching it during the stroke requires about 5 pounds of force per inch, or 15 pounds total... and this directly reduces the spanking force. At 100 PSI, cylinder thrust of 176 pounds is reduced to 171 pounds. This spring is sized to return the Fraternity Paddle (heavy oak paddle) when used vertically. If you are using a light effector like a cane and/or using you machine with the paddle swinging more horizontally, you can probably remove this spring under those conditions, thus increasing spanking force. If your paddle will not return, re-attach the spring.

Finally, there are two things that improve the air supply to your machine. First, if you have a smaller compressor it is probably equipped with a very restrictive regulator... that is, the regulated air must pass through a very small aperture in the regulator. Swapping out for a larger regulator allows much faster delivery of pressurized air and improved performance. Selecting a larger compressor also addresses this issue. Second, the quick connect fitting at the end of the SOM hose is the most restrictive fitting in the head unit system. As of June 2015, I've been drilling this fitting out to a larger diameter. If you bought your machine before then and it is NOT an XP head, drilling it yourself will present a slight gain. All XPs have always been drilled out. Instructions coming, or simply drop me an email.

FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, Using

Are there any usage precautions in using the Spank-O-Matic?

Yes. As you might expect, a Spank-O-Matic can deliver a powerful whack. It is the user's responsibility to avoid strikes to areas where damage may occur, including the lower back and tailbone. While breasts are certainly another possible target, care should obviously be taken to avoid the entire head and ribcage.

Additionally, Spank-O-Matics should not generally be operated without a target that stops the spank arms' path. While the SOM II is designed to withstand this treatment, repeated use without a target is likely to harm the unit. Component damage from operation without a target is not covered under any applicable warantee.

What are the best ways to set up for Spank-O-Matic play?

Setup options are limited only by your imagination. A prone position on the floor, with or without a pillow or cushion to elevate the rear, is excellent for extended play. Similar positions lyingon a bed are also fully within the machine's capabilities... the machine itself is tall enough to stand on the floor and address a person on most beds, and you can add the extension arm if your bed is extremely tall. Variations on a bench, chair, or table are also popular. You can stand or even hang from the ceiling! This represents only a small subset of possible configurations, however.

I want to take my machine to a play party. How portable is it?

The SOM II is a great addition to any spanking party, and really draws a crowd! It's also quite simple to mave around, because it breaks down into a very compact bundle. The machine itself, when fully disassembled, takes up abotu half of the box in which it ships... 36x12x12". What I've found convenient is to bundle the parts in a blanket (to prevent them dinging each other) and sticking the result in a handsided golf bag carrier. This inexpensive plastic case is perfect, and leaves plenty of space to carry your other tools as well. A small compressor like the Senco completes the travel setup.

I am considering the Spank-O-Matic and the Robospanker. Why should I buy the Spank-O-Matic?

The Spank-O-Matic has some serious advantages over the Robospanker. Check out the Video Comparison section and you'll note that the system is smartly designed to be easy to adjust in every way. The SOM II is vastly more adjustable... infinite height and angle. Is your target ass exactly 10" off the floor? Mine neither! You're not limited to three levels of spanking power, but an infinite adjustment... and you can change power instantly and at any time from the hand control instead of stopping to fiddle around in the guts of the machine. The SOM II can spank faster and slower, harder and softer. The SOM II hand control includes a computer that can take control of your spanking with eight automatic modes, or you can manually operate the machine as a push-to-spank system. In contrast, with the Robospanker, you push a button and it starts to spank every so often. Period. Every SOM II system locks down as a rigid system, ready to spank with fully efficiency, while the Robospanker teeters about on it's single wobbly extending leg (note: Robospanker has quietly added a small screw that limits this teetering, but it remains inferior to the rigid SOM stands). Finally, the accessories available for the Spank-O-Matic kick butt: the Automater to move the strike spot during your session, a highly functional bench, and a wide range of end effectors. I used to offer my effectors for the Robospanker, but discovered that they were all too heavy for their rubberband to power effectively. There is no area in which the Robospanker is a better spanker. Not one.

FAQ about Spank-O-Matic, Pneumatics

Is a compressor unsafe to use in a bedroom with the SOM II?

No, this is a myth created by Robospanker. The Senco manual and those of other air compressors will indicate that you should not breathe the air stream, a warning typically accompanied by a picture of a hose running to a person's mouth. This warning relates to using the compressor as your source of air, such as filling a scuba tank. Such manuals also indicate that using the air compressor to spray hazardous materials like paint must be done in a well-ventilated area. Using the SOM II system does not involve spraying hazardous materials, and claiming this is more general than indicated in the manual is underhanded.

An air compressor takes in room air, compresses it mechanically into the tank, and releases that exact same air at a higher pressure through the SOM II's exhaust vent. This process does not mysteriously poison either the air that goes through the compressor or the room air more generally. Robospanker's claims are simply untrue.

What health risks are associated with the compressor-operated SOM II?

If you use it too frequently and too hard, you will definitely suffer persistent bruising with risk of leatherbutt ;) This is another Robospanker fabrication, one not even supported by their own link to a division of Parker selling industrial air filtration equipment. Nothing on this page has anything to do with consumer air compressor use. There are no known risks associated with using an air compressor to power a pneumatic cylinder. None.

Aren't compressors noisy?

Some are, some aren't. The Senco PC1010 which I use myself is very quiet at 67 dB, and is quite inexpensive as well. Up the scale a bit, the California Air Tools line of compressors are rated at a mere 60 dB. DeWalt makes several nice models in the 70-75 dB range, also quite quiet. Of course, all of the models make noise only when running, which is a minority of the time with a conservative tool like the SOM II being used. For reference, 60 dB is about as loud as a quiet conversation from 10 feet away. The 67 dB of the Senco is half the noise of an average vacuum cleaner from 10 feet away. Every 3 decibels doubles the output power (measured by equipment) and every 10 decibels doubles the perceived volume (how loud it seems to a person).

I am in [location with 220 VAC power grid]. What should I do about a compressor?

Ordering the Senco PC1010 from me is an option, but not -- in my opinion -- a very good one. Shipping adds to the comporessor's cost, and you will also need a power converter rated for about 500 watts to run it. A better solution is to examine offerings from eBay, online sites in your country or region, and perhaps the local tool retailer who should have several models. Most compressors come with a female quick-connect fitting, but these have a range of styles and the default does vary around the world. The SOM II ships with the male side in the Industrial style, and compressors sold in North America almost all ship with the matching type. International customers may need to change out either the SOM II end couplers or the one on their compressor to get a mating pair.

What should I look for in a compressor to power the SOM II?

There are three relevant criteria by which you can measure a compressor for this purpose: maximum pressure, noise in operation, and air delivery capability. Let's examine each in turn.

Maximum pressure is stated in PSI, or pounds per square inch. This measures "how compressed" the air is, and the force with which is comes out of the compressor. The SOM II system is at its maximum power with incoming air pressure of 150 PSI. Pressures above this may result in unusual operation of the valve (mostly, it might be held open by the high pressure). The majority of consumer air compressors have a maximum pressure of 120-125 PSI, including the Senco PC1010. As a user of such a compressor, I can assure you this is sufficient for a very powerful whack. However, you can get about 20% more force if you find a compressor that can deliver 150 PSI.

How loud is the compressor, or how quiet do you need it to be? The Senco PC1010 is rated at 67 dB, about as loud as an average conversation. For reference, 70 dB is like an average business office and 80 dB is a hair dryer. The decibel scale is logarithmic... a small increase in the number means a more significant increase in the noise it represents. As a general rule, if a compressor is not marketed by its manufacturer as producing XXX decibels, then you can assume it to be pretty loud. Quieter compressors will include a decibel rating in the specifications, and unless you need extreme quiet you'll be happy at 70 bD and under.

The air delivery capability is easy to measure, but it can be difficult to assess your needs. Air output is measured in CFM (cubit feet per minute) at a given pressure... usually 40 PSI and 90 PSI, and we'll focus on the 90 PSI air delivery. The Senco PC1010 delivers 0.6 CFM at 90 PSI. This unit will not keep up with the SOM II using the hardest strokes at the fastest rates... that requires more air flow than the PC1010 can maintain. The unit can keep up with the hardest strokes at about one every 3-4 seconds, forever. Likewise, it can deliver a series of very fast hard strokes.. but then needs to rebuild pressure. A unit rated approximately 1 CFM should full power the SOM II (hardest strokes at fastest pace). Note that at any setting, the XP head unit requires twice as much air as the standard SOM II.

Are there some compressors I should consider or look for?

Certainly! My personal criteria include minimizing the noise produced. If you don't care -- maybe you can put the compressor in the garage and run an air line inside -- then it's very easy to select a compressor. If you also want a quiet unit, check out the following (and there are doubtless others):

Senco makes several units, but only the PC1010 is marketed as "ultra-quiet"
The Rolair JC10 is a larger unit, reasonably priced, and at 60 dB extremely quiet
California Air Tools (formerly GMC Syclone) makes a line of compressors, all of which are very quiet
Porter-Cable's C1010 is quiet at 71 dB, delivers a bit more air than the Senco, and has a 135 PSI max pressure
DeWalt's D55140-R appears to be identical the PC1010, and may be available at a bit lower cost, especially refurbished
Ingersoll Rand P1IU-A9 is one I include for its quality reputation; reviewed as quiet by owners but not marketed with a number, very large and heavy but goes to 135 PSI.

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